Tag Archives: humour

GRUESOME DISCOVERY ROCKS SMALL COMMUNITY

The following is an extract from the Menlo Park Reader:

GRUESOME DISCOVERY ROCKS SMALL COMMUNITY

The bodies of Ms. Horse-Riding Barbie and friend (undressed) were discovered early last night by an unknown third party on the front lawn, a location known by locals as a hot spot and hangout for young miscreants.

It is unclear why Ms. Horse-Riding Barbie and friend (undressed) were out on the front lawn during the course of last night, but P.T.P.I. (Part Time Private Investigator) William “The Wild Bull” La Fontaine, accompanied by Officer Legoman of the MP PD (Menlo Park Police Department) advise that they may have been in the area for nefarious purposes, given the presence of two firearms found at the scene.

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Scene of the gruesome double homicide – photo supplied courtesy of the Menlo Park Reader’s traffic helicopter – “The Eye in the Proverbial Sky”
P.T.P.I. La Fontaine stated that, from initial investigations, it would appear that Ms. Horse-Riding Barbie and friend (undressed) entered into a confrontation with a regular front lawn local, a Ms. Rosie (AKA: The Rose). Further sources indicate that the confrontation escalated into an armed encounter between the parties, given the presence of the two firearms found at the scene. It is assumed that Ms. Rosie (AKA: The Rose) disarmed the two deceased with a technique known as “The Chew“.

P.T.P.I. La Fontaine has indicated, however, that it is unclear why Ms. Horse-Riding Barbie and friend (undressed) were in possession of said firearms, given that neither had opposable thumbs, let alone separate fingers at the time.

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P.T.P.I. La Fontaine and Officer Legoman address the media at the scene of the double murder.
Officer Legoman has declined to comment, save to admit that the alleged killer, Ms. Rosie (AKA The Rose) has been taken into custody and is currently inside, languishing at “The Owner’s” pleasure. Reports suggest that she is unrepentant. Reports further suggest that she refuses to admit any involvement in the crime and has stated that she will not plea in the matter.

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Ms. Rose (AKA The Rose) (AKA The Accused) is unrepentant.
Another regular front lawn local, a Ms. Ruthyputhy  (Name changed to protect identity) and known companion to Ms. Rosie (AKA The Rose), has denied any knowledge of the incident, stating simply that she was not there if and when the confrontation turned violent.

Additional reports indicate the presence of a damaged yellow plastic cricket bat in the vicinity of the scene, but the authorities are loath to admit the possible involvement of one Oscar Pistorius, given that his current whereabouts are known to prison officials.

Officer Legoman of the MP PD has; however, asked that should any person or persons have any further information which may lead to the resolution of the matter, they are to please contact him without delay.

Family members and acquaintances of  Ms. Horse-Riding Barbie and friend (undressed) have indicated that the double homicide was to be expected, given that both deceased had been over-nighting close to the front lawn for some time now.

The investigation is continuing.

Report by the Menlo Park Reader.